The Emotional Lives of Teenagers

January 16, 2023
In this enlightening manual, psychologist Damour (Under Pressure) advises parents on how they can help their children navigate the emotional turmoil of their teenage years. Drawing on neuroscience and client stories from her practice, Damour provides psychological background on the changes that teens go through while dispensing guidance on how parents can best support them. She explains that during adolescence, the brain undergoes a “physiological renovation” that only reaches the prefrontal cortex—responsible for higher-order thinking—late in the process, meaning teenagers often struggle to “maintain a sense of perspective.” Her sensitive approach for supporting teens who question their gender identity urges parents to “treat your teenager as the driver of their own gender car” and refrain from patronizing them or suggesting they’re just “going through a phase.” Client stories illuminate the advice, as when Damour recounts a session with parents concerned about their daughter’s fixation on her fear that they might die early and suggests that for teens struggling to control their emotions, thinking about plans or playing a game can help get their mind off the subject. Damour’s down-to-earth tone gives this the feel of a conversation with a friend, while the psychology offers valuable perspective into the scientific underpinnings of adolescence. Parents of teens will want to check this out.

January 15, 2023
Solid reassurance for parents of teenagers. Psychologist Damour, author of two parenting books about raising girls, Untangled and Under Pressure, and mother of two teenage daughters, draws on 30 years of clinical experience to offer a practical, thoughtful guide for parents. From the beginning, the author asserts that uncomfortable feelings are not things that should be prevented or that need to be quickly banished. "Mental health," she explains, "is not about feeling good. Instead, it's about having the right feelings at the right time and being able to manage those feelings effectively." Teenagers normally experience "pronounced highs and lows," resulting from profound neurological changes, and their efforts to separate from parents and develop their own identity can make them seem hostile and self-absorbed. Throughout the book, Damour offers examples of the problems that parents and teenagers bring to her practice and the strategies that she proposes to help parents cope with their own distress and to help teenagers find healthy ways to express and control their emotions. Biology and socialization account for differences in the ways children express emotions, with girls more likely encouraged "to express sadness and fear," repress anger, and "talk about feelings when they are upset." On the other hand, "we teach boys to suppress feelings of vulnerability, expect them to be aggressive, and, when they're distressed, encourage them to use distraction or to find other ways to tough it out." Both boys and girls, however, benefit from talking--even venting--naming their emotions, and having a parent actively listen: "By the time teens are telling us that they feel anxious or angry or sad or any other emotion they choose to put into words, they're already using an effective strategy for helping themselves cope with it." Damour offers advice on how to deal with a range of issues, including teens' risk-taking, experiencing harassment, feeling low self-esteem, and expressing a nontraditional gender identity. A calm, wise, and empathetic guide to a difficult period for both adolescents and parents.

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January 1, 2023
Recent world events have been challenging for everyone, but particularly for families with teenagers. Reports of increased rates of teen depression, anxiety, and delayed school progress make it clear that parents need guidance more than ever before. But as anyone who's ever tried to help a troubled teen knows, it isn't always easy. So often, well-meaning and well-informed parental efforts are greeted with eye rolls. Clinical psychologist Damour (Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls, 2019) addresses this dilemma by pairing authoritative advice with effective coaching. Her superpower is providing easy-to-follow, practical communication strategies that make it much more likely that teens will actually listen. Filled with relatable situations, examples, and suggestions for constructive conversations, this book will be welcomed by parents and anyone who works with adolescents. Parents looking for timely advice and reassurance will find it here in clear layman's language. Extensive notes and up-to-date suggestions for further reading are provided for those who want a more in-depth look.

COPYRIGHT(2023) Booklist, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Starred review from February 1, 2023

Increased concern about the direction of the United States, school shootings, and climate change have added fodder to the already overwhelmed teenage brain. Damour (Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls) is a well-known speaker in the mental health arena and the co-host of Ask Lisa, a parenting podcast. In this book, she dispels myths about adolescent mental health and provides a manual to help teens manage their emotions in the most beneficial way possible. She argues that "safe" medications may have decreased the tolerance for emotional discomfort, which can be a strength when channeled to promote growth. She gives guidelines for parents to help their children and also how to know when professional support is needed. She also addresses the unique challenges presented by both COVID and discrimination. A section on protecting the mental health of gender-questioning teens is also included. VERDICT Comprehensive and encompassing of the many of the struggles teens face today, this book is a must for libraries looking for mental health resources for parents of teens.

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